Monthly Archives: January 2012

On The Mend, Again

I spoke to Rachel, Ma-maw or Mom2, this morning and she is definately sounding much better. 😀  Her daughter passed away on the 6th of January and she was hopitalized late the next night with double pneumonia.  I really believe her grieving and being exposed to the cold weather to the point of exhaustion weakened her immune system even for a healthy person, but she lost her spleen in a nearly fatal car accident a little more than 20 yrs ago.

It pains me hearing her cough, but have learned to recognize it as “productive” so it bothers me a little less than it did in the past. While we were speaking this morning she had a very productive “fit” of coughing, but recovered quickly, thank you God!  She’s looking forward to getting back to her own bed and being surrounded by her own possesions.  I think anyone can sympathize with that sentiment, lol.  She’s been in hospital since last Saturday, the 7th so home is over due in her estimation.

She has a Thyroid problem and if she can get well for long enough she can have a quick surgery to remove it and maybe then she’ll be able to gain some weight and actually keep it 😀  Back in July of 09, she had gained up to about 126-27 Lbs, I think, and looked quite healthy.  Since then there seems to be a conspirecey, by her body, to keep her just weak enough that she couldn’t withstand another surgery.  We did manage to go and have her cataracs removed in two seperate sessions, between two bouts of pneumonia, again.  As it turns out she has been carrying a fungi within her lungs that kept flarring up so at least THAT has been discovered.  My understanding of that is the lung is a Very moist place, by it’s very nature so that perfectly enables it to persist.

At any rate, the point is that I’m pleased to hear the life come back into her voice and she was actually able to convers.  It takes air to talk and being able to talk even for 15 minutes was a task for her earlier this week, so this is a pleasent step in the right direction.  Yes, I do see these little victories as a reason to rejoyce, hey every little thing means she’ll be here a little longer for us to enjoy.

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My Businesses

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This is a picture from my files, but depicts some of the work I do, such as pressure washing.
 
Primarily, I do house keeping to suppliment my Military Widow’s pension.  I am also an avid knitter and sew for the pleasure of it, and for my customers.

Thankfully, business is finally beginning to pick up again.  Between the Islamic holidays and the traditional Christian ones my services went from, not enough hours in a day, to not enough jobs in a week, lol.

During the Islamic holidays I was blissfully in high demand, and because I have some family locally, I was blessed to be invited to Thanksgiving dinners and then to TN to stay for a couple of weeks, when I got back for a week or so it was a little slow, but finances are beginning to recover from the festivities.

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Some very detailed cleaning.

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Large frame detailed cleaning.

I am pretty much a Jack of all trades and a master of a couple, lol.  I am a pretty detail oriented person, but have to keep a tight rien on myself sometimes because I can get engrossed in my work and completely lose track of time.

The customer who had me clean these above items is a pleasure to work for because I never know what I’ll be doing when I get there and she knows “how I am”.  We often laugh about it, because it’s the reason she keeps me coming back.

I have come to the conclusion that many of my customers “have it too”.  It’s an inside joke, meaning obssesive complusive, not literally, just mildly.

Because of my attention to detail I’m also a good seamstress.  I am more conserned with quality than quantity.  I have a dear friend that put a bug in my bonnet about changing the direction of my business because I’m a so mechanically inclined.

I am a collector of tools, because the Air Force taught me, as an F-15 Hydraulics Troop, that the right tool enables one to accomplish the task at hand in a timely manner and well.  We, my friend and I, were in Home Depot looking for a tool for a job she had me doing for her when she and I were laughing about how my eyes “glaze over” when I get into the tool section.  Of course, being in Home Depot or Lowes, makes me wish I had unlimited funds and time to attack a few million projects.

I did interior painting and wall paper hanging while living in TN to suppliment my income and contracted to the Apartment manager to clean new units. I like what I do most of the time and made it clear NOT to call me for the ones where the resident left a tornato, that’s how I manage to continue to like it.  I even got to help with the restoration of a beautiful home that had flood damage in 2010 from the river there.  I did some painting and wood oiling/polishing too.

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Anne McCaffrey, ‘Dragonriders’ Author, Dies at 85 – NYTimes.com

Anne McCaffrey, ‘Dragonriders’ Author, Dies at 85 – NYTimes.com.
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I know that I’m a little late on this post, but I was so caught off gaurd when I saw it on Facebook. 

I go there a minimum of once a day, but had been away for a few days with the holidays and working, so I was genuinely stunned to read of Ms. McCaffrey’s passing.

I did a lot of praying that it wasn’t too terrible for her, the transition. 
Of course, only being a fan, I have no way of knowing what she was really like as person other than through her words.
I really feel that anyone who had the thoughts and ethics behind the millions of ideas she had that enabled her to creat all of those works that had me laughing out loud, literally, and on the other hand truly crying in deap grief at the loss of Master Robinton, my poor family were completely unprepared.I think that one was so hard because we, the readers, knew she’d based him on a real person she admired.

I was a young adult when I read her work for the first time.  It was the story of Roweena, Lord! I cried at the end of that one too, lol, but she always calmed us with the renewal of life throught the next generation or the continuation of the struggle to achieve a new civilization or to concore the foe like in the Sassinak books, God! those made you do the Arsenio fist thrust while saying with strong feelings, YES, got you, you bastards!!! The pirates of

What about the Landing series, teaching us that we really can’t make it without each other.  In my opinion, she was always teaching us a valueable lesson. 
For me many of her lessons were confirmations of things my Mother taught us.  Although, my Mother probably didn’t expect me to actually fall in love and marry, for heavens sake, someone of color!! lol, she got over it and fell in love with him too.  Then of course, I did it again.  Poor woman, she was so resiliant.

I am even a vegitarian, although I didn’t lear that Ms. McCaffrey was until only recently, but it’s not surprising since in one of thse books in the Sassinak universe, I think it was her ancestor, Lunzie Mespil, who I learned that you never know how life will manifest. 

I am the grand daughter of another science fiction lover who read everything, multiple times, by Asimof.  My Asimof was McCaffrey.  I am still a little bitter that I won’t live long enough to earn a place on an EEC mission or be able to be a mechanic, since that’s where my test scores usually put me, on a ship doing a tour into deap space on an exporation mission.

Some will think that, that lumps me into the “not all there” category.  Well that’s ok, what you may not realize is that we, the dreamers are the ones who make things like space travel, much less flight in general possible. We day-dreamed it and then went out and made it happen!

I use to lay in a boat with my nose in an Ann McCaffrey book while my husband fished.  I would look up at those beautiful clouds tinted with gold (I live in forida) and imagine surface to ship shuttles transporting personnel.  Who cares where they were coming or going, I just wanted to be on one.  She wrote about those suites that Sassinak and even Lunzie wore in combat, I think in those terms because I’m military. You know I recently read or heard a new sreport that those suites are A LOT closer to being a reality.  I know! It was a story on NBC about a man that is working on a suite that responds to brain impulses to move the limbs of a person who has spinal damage and they “mentioned” military applications. The young man was WALKING in one of those suites!! 😉  You gotta agree, that is just too cool!

In many of the syfy books I read, David Weber and Micheal Grear, Honor Harrington or The people of Spider, those suites figure prominantly.  Most of the cara

See what a little Anne McCaffrey and a military background can do for you?

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My Sister, My Friend

I am feeling ANGRY and so completly lost, knowing my step-sister, Belinda, will miss the birth of her daughter’s first child and all of the wonderful things associated with being a parent and grandparent.

Her Son’s daughter is already convinced that her Grandma is the best one in the whole world.  I can’t imagine trying to tell a three year old that Grandma has gone to heaven and you won’t get to see her until you get there, provided that this assumption on man’s part is even close.

I keep praying that her exit was accidental and not intentinal.  I keep thinking, I just spent Christmas dinner with her and we were laughing and enjoying having family around us and spending time together.  Funny, we were thinking that Mom, her Mom, was laying down because she felt a little sick, that happens sometimes still since her stomach surgery. It turned out that Mom was just lying there listening to the conversations going on, the two of us talking and laughing together and the girls also talking about their pregnancies and how exciting it was that they were pregnant at the same time and their children would get to grow up together also.

As all of these things run through my mind, I get angry again and then all I can do is cry and make dua for her soul, that Allah will make it easy for her in the next life and to please, please ease the pain of loss for her children and grand-daughter and her Mother who will miss her terribly for the rest of her life.  You know, you aren’t supposed to out live your children.

This event has made me look closely at my own life and to be sure that MY children know just how much I love them and how incrediby blessed I know I am to be their mother.

I look back at the memories of each of their childhoods.  They are six years apart so only a few years of thier growing up actually overlapped. It was almost like having two only children.  The years of the youngest following the eldest around and making him crazy and then the years of the usual bickering, “He’s touching me!!”, lol.  Now that I’m on the other side of it I can laugh, but sometimes you felt like you may not make it through, just let me get to the “down time”  = bed time.

Now I watch thier children doing things and saying things I prayed so hard to get to see.  You know if your children are adults, you pray that one day you will get to hear those holy grail of words, “Mom, I’m sorry I gave you so much hassel, you were right, and I love you, and thank you.” No matter what the subject is that brings those most precious of words, that confirms all of those trials and tears shed were worth every moment.

As I re-read this post I’m thinking of the first time I met my sister, Belinda, God, can it be that it was 27 yrs ago.  She was pretty young, we’d both come home to Nashville.  Her mother, Rachel had married my dad, Tom.  I had no clear memories of my father as a person, other than the Daddy figure, so when I finished my tour of duty in the U. S. Air Force, I went to TN.  She, Belinda, got there a couple of days before I did so she got the room and I got the livingroom floor.  We’ve laughed about that so many times over the years.

I got to know my Dad pretty well and Rachel too and I gained another step-sister. We had so much fun running around together acting like kids. Hell we were kids. She’s six years younger, but we hit it off right away.  My father had four wives in his life, my Mom was his second and I gained a sister with his third and fourth wives, who I am blessed to still have in my life since both of my parents have passed away now.

Many years later the darkness crept into her life and has been gradually taking her away from us all.  It finally won on the 6th of January. It’s an epidemic in this country and it’s been killing people in her life for the last couple of years too. No matter the form, pills or some other substance, it’s taking our loved ones away and we seem powerless against it.

I really thought she’d beat it a couple of times in the recent past, but somehow it always snuck back in.  I have finally gotten over feeling guilty, but it was a struggle to remember that I had children to raise and a spouse to be a part of.  I was available to her a few times while I was there for a couple of weeks at a time, each year, but I couldn’t be there to do it for her, it was a fight only she could actually fight herself.

I will stubornly hold in my minds eye, everytime I think of her, that Christmas dinner, sitting across from her laughing and talking and how good she looked.  She’d had her hair redone in that cool color thing she does where the underside is dark and it blends lighter to the top layer. She’d lost just a little weight so that she was comfortable in her skin and her make-up was perfect, as usual.  He hair was naturally wavy and just above her waist, she looked so damn good.

I keep praying the anger will fade so I can just cry and get it out of me, but the anger keeps creeping in and then the tears follow. I guess I’m being a little selfish as my other step-sister would remind me, that Belinda is no longer suffering through the addiction, she’s finally free of it!

I will miss hearing what her grand-daughter said to her the last visit they had together, she’s such a whiz-bang that little one. We hadn’t had a chance to talk about the next grandbaby other than being excited about waiting to learn if it will be a boy or a girl soon.

If you’ve ever lost someone you love, you know there are stages of grief.  I will be glad when I can wake up and not hope that it’s not true and not need to struggle to get through the next few moments when I can hopefully tuck it back into that little place in my mind and pretend I’m good and get on with the rest of the day.  Getting to that place takes time and determination.  Just because I knew it was inevitable if things didn’t change doesn’t mean that any of us was prepared. Unfortunately for me I’m getting better at this struggle, having lost so many people I love, not to the current epidemic, but in my life, so many gone now.

Usually this happens to us as we get up there in age, but I’m only 50 and it started happening when I was 8 with my biological sister, firends, husband, grandmother, mother, father and now my 3rd sister.  We will blessedly be able to keep the 2nd sister, God willing, now for many years to come. She won her battle!

I will close for now as my eyes are full and it’s getting hard to see and it’s time to pray again, inshah Allah, life will go on with the renewal in our children and grand children. This life is so short, we have to grasp every moment and remember to enjoy it fully.

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